GHOULS ARRESTED IN OAKWOOD
Polk: Some weeks ago, on April 30th, Hugh Magan was shocked to stumble upon three men and two women, all naked and devouring the disinterred corpse of Thelma Carlisle (1914-1996). Magan is caretaker at Elysian Fields Cemetery of Oakwood, and was routinely patroling the grounds when he heard sounds coming from a recent burial. Made fearful by the gruesome spectacle, Magan hurriedly phoned the authorities and Sheriff Marduke arrived to make the arrests. Though all witnesses were cautioned against speaking of the incident, the tale of the grisly repast soon became common knowledge in the otherwise sleepy community. A crowd of angry townspeople, led by the grandchildren of Ms. Carlisle, gathered outside the County Jail last week demanding to the right to stone the cannibals to death. When the unruly group threatened violence, county law enforcement officers were compelled to disperse them with teargas.
No word has been given of a trial date for the offenders, or if the trial will be held in Polk County.
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