Woman Impaled On Tree


Harrison: December 3 was a gruesome day for Ranger Gib Johnson. He was on patrol of Wedsleydale Woods in Wiley Park, near Olmstead, when he chanced to look up and discovered the corpse of an unidentified woman impaled by a pine tree.

     "At first I couldn't believe my eyes," says Ranger Johnson. "I mean, I knew that she was dead, but thirty feet off the ground? That was too weird."

     Autopsies indicate that the woman would fell from a height of at least 120 feet above the tip of the tree, but no more than 600 feet above. Medical officials agree that if she had fallen from above that height, the force of the impact would have torn her body in half.

     No progress has been made at this time in discerning the woman's identity. Police estimate that she was in her early thirties and weighed about 140 pounds. She had short dark hair and was wearing a black sweater and black slacks at the time of her death. The police hope that fingerprint records will eventually confirm her identity.

     Self-proclaimed psychic and remote viewer Bernard Mulligan, of Zoar, thinks he may have an explanation.

     "It's apportation," says the bearded, bespectacled science-fiction writer. "You know, when things disappear in one place and reappear in another. Or is that just teleportation? Anyway, here at the end of the Millennium, we're going to find that many of our so-called 'laws' of the universe will no longer apply. Strange events like this will happen more frequently. Think about that recent photon teleportation experiment. That's proof right there that it's possible. There were at least two apportations of women in Miami alone over the past two years. So all this should come as no surprise."

     Meanwhile, Ranger Johnson can only shake his head. "It's getting harder and harder to bring tourists to Wiley Park. First we got a phantom with glowing eyes and now folks dropping out of the sky and getting skewered. Sometimes I think my job is cursed."





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