THE PTERANODONS OF PALO ALTO COUNTY

Palo Alto: Saturday, March 8, dawned as usual for the residents of Lost Island Lake. Milo O'Shaunessy had just launched his bass boat onto the cold, clear waters .

     "I was out doin' some bass and bullhead fishin', 'cause all this good weather spoilt the ice fishin'. I was about, oh, a quarter mile from the shore and had just made my first cast. I happened to look up, just over there by the bluffs, and liked ta shit my pants! And I hadn't even cracked my first beer yet, I never touch the stuff before 7A.M."

     What had caused this reaction in Mr. O'Shaunessy was the sight of a creature that, according to science, hasn't existed for 65 million years.

     When asked if the creature attacked him or made any aggressive moves toward him, O'Shaunessy shook his head. "No, not really. It just would swoop down and skim the surface of the lake, that pointy head scannin' left and right, and POW! snatch a fish and fly back up to the bluffs, you know, jus' like a eagle or an osprey. Well, it did this several times, and it always looked right at me, I guess to see what I was gonna do, an' I thought, Hell, if he keeps haulin' 'em in like that, there ain't gonna be nothin' left for me. So I started up the motor, headed back and called you guys."

     When asked about the possibility of such an animal still living, Professor Ludwig Stoessel, Chairman of the Department of Vertabrate Paeleontology, University of Emmetsburg expressed doubt.

     "I hardly think so, Mr. Campbell. Dinosaurs and their cousins, the flying and marine reptiles, all went extinct at the end of the Cretaceous period sixty-five million years ago, probably as the result of or in conjunction with a large asteroid or comet striking the earth. In fact, not too far from us here, a large object struck in Calhoun county 70 million years ago. It's known as the Manson Crater."

     When asked if any Mesozoic Era creatures could have survived the impact event, Professor Stoessel said, "There is some evidence from intriguing finds made in Tertiary formations in the Hell Creek region of Montana that seem to indicate that some dinosaurs did in fact survive the K-T Boundary, but nothing conclusive as of yet. Then again, we're talking about a period of only 40 to 140 thousand years after the K-T event, and that still doesn't add up to a survival for 64 million years."

     Iowa Department of Natural Resources agent Mike Dooley, Ranger for Palo Alto County and area specialist in Celtic and local folklore, was more optimistic.

     "Hell, there's been sightings of these things up here for years, hell, centuries. Shit, there's one now!" Dooley suddenly pointed out over the lake at a solitary flying object, which this reporter gently pointed out to him was a bald eagle.

     After wiping the lenses of his glasses on the sleeve of his uniform jacket, Doolely visualy reappraised the flying object.

     "Okay, so it's an eagle. But they've still been sighted in the area for centuries. Colonel Kearney and the First Dragoons, on their exploration of the Iowa Territory in 1835, reported seeing them. Emmet Kelly, the Irish pioneer who settled here and founded Emmetsburg, he saw 'em. The Indians, the Sioux who lived here, they saw them. Hell," he said, opening a fresh can of PBR. "I've seen 'em!"

     Dooley produced an original copy of a journal written by Emmet Kelly when he first arrived in Northwest Iowa. Kelly, a former British soldier and Irish scholar, educated in Dublin and Oxford, waxed eloqeuntly about the beauty of his new home, but one passage in particular is worth noting:

"Many and wonderous are the natural beauties and wildlife of this bountiful land, but perhaps none so awe-inspiring as the large flying creatures that inhabit and fish the lake regions here. I would be loathe to call them birds, as they only resemble their avian counterparts in shared means of propulsion; rather I would say they remind me of those extinct creatures restored for us by Owen and Baron Cuvier from their fossil remains in the limestone of southern England and central Bavaria. But these pterodactyls and dimorphodons of Cuvier and Owen are extinct and have certainly been so in Europe for generations untold; perhaps here in the American wilderness they continue to thrive, and one may but wonder whether other species of terrible lizards, mammoth, mastodon and rhinocerae, long dead and gone from Europe's familiar scenes, yet persist on these plains and woodlands, unseen by any White Man, but only the ignorant savage Indian."

     "Ain't that a kicker?" asked Dooley, opening a new case of Blue Ribbon. "But the funny thing is, over the past ten years, they've been changing."

     When asked to elaborate, Dooley said, "They're getting different, y'know? Larger, more aeordynamic, bigger braincases. Shit, people have seen they're coming into town, I don't mean Lake View or Lost Island, but Emmetsburg itself. Folks seen 'em hobbling into bars wearing long overcoats over their wings, and they actually talk and drink beer! 'Bud! Bud!' they squawk! And you know what's behind it?"

     By this time, this reporter was trying to ease himself out of the Ranger station, but Dooley was persistant. "It's the secret Luftwaffe base north of town!" he stated triumphantly.

     When this reporter expressed his extreme doubts as to the existence of a 'secret Luftwaffe base' in Palo Alto county, and was beginning to question the sanity of Ranger Dooley, he continued: "They're in cahoots with our government and the Aerodyne Propulsion Systems Lab over at the University. Go ask 'em, Campbell.."

     Although this reporter considered that Ranger Dooley was delusional and that the whole incident could be written off, I remembered Emmet Kelly's journal and betook myself to Propulsion Laboratories. There, I was introduced to the director, Dr. Immelman Stahl. When asked about Pteranodons and secret Luftwaffe bases, Dr. Stahl laughed.

     "But of course, Herr Campbell, Pteranodons have been extinct for millions of years. I know of the local legends, but I assure you we have nothing to do with them. And as to the existence of a Federal German Airbase, no. The few Luftwaffe officers here are involved in research for the next generation of jet fighters for the U.S. and the Federal Republic. This is well known here in the community."

     Whether the existance of a "Secret Luftwaffe Base" in Palo Alto County is as genuine as per Ranger Dooley's sudsy rantings would have, there appears little to prove it. But the strangely compelling evidence in Emmet Kelly's journal and Milo O'Shaunessy's experience in Lost Island Lake of flying creatures from 65 million years ago, however fantastic, appears all the more plausible. And it is certain that in this modern day of sophisticated spy satellites and imaging technology, these creatures cannot remain hidden from the world forever. It is merely a matter of time.