GOVERNMENT STOOGES at

     THIRD EYE OVER IOWA

Johnson: Conspiracies, the Emperor Nero is reported to have said, are never believed to exist until they actually occur. That being the case, I feel it is my duty as a former US Army officer and current staff reporter for a magazine dedicated in part to exposing conspiracies, to report to our readers a conspiracy among this magazine's staff---the magnitude of which would make all the plots against Nero somehow mundane, even to that historical luminary.

     While it is absolutely true that, as an officer of the United States Army, this author was indeed an "agent" of the Federal Government, that connection and the employment more or less ceased upon my retirement from active duty in 1994. However, certain individuals employed by this magazine have seen fit to cast the vilest accusations and sly allegations against this author, asserting that I am a plant to purposely spread disinformation by the highest echelons of the Military Intelligence establishment for whom I once worked.

     In August of 1997, one Colonel Gaetano Ardenti, late of the Italian Secret State Police, joined the staff of this magazine. His credentials, it seemed at the time, were impeccable. The editorial staff and, indeed, our publisher, accepted these credentials, and appointed Ardenti to head our Conspiracy Desk (see: Colonel Ardenti's Conspiracy Corner, August, 1997, Vol. 4, Issue #8).

     At first, it appeared the Colonel was diligently rooting out the plots of extremely interested parties directed against the People, Institutions and Constitution of the United States in particular, and the Human Race in general. However, as another man more learned and wise than this writer observed, "Things are never as they appear." Such is the case with Colonel Ardenti.

     I first became aware of inconsistencies in the 'good' Colonel during a garden party hosted by our publisher, Mr. Hans Abbadon, as a fund-raiser for the B. Lavatsky Museum, of which Mr. Abbadon is the leading patron. The gala was attended by Third Eye Over Iowa staff members, political figures great and soiled; literati attempting to be witty, big stars and small actors, and several European notables which included former German U-Boat commanders, friends of the late Admiral Canaris, and the legendary Italian film director, Ricardo Carletti Putnamio.

     Now it is well known that Signor Putnamio, who had just finished shooting his autobiographical magnum opus "A Fistful of Fascists", was, from 1924 to the present day an admirer of the late Italian dictator Benito Mussolini, and during the 1930's was one of Mussolini's favorite directors. Because of Colonel Ardenti's age and career in the Royal Italian Army, this author more or less took it as an article of faith that the Colonel shared Mussolini's political persuasion.

     Both men then laughed, and wandered off to the bar singing the Italian Fascist anthem Giovenzza. Normally, this author no longer makes it a habit to eavesdrop on conversations between the directors of spaghetti spectacles and 3rd rate Gestapo aspirants. But this conversation was different. As the conversation was in rapid Italian, I had some difficulty in following it. So, I took the pocket cassette recording I made to a colleague of mine to translate for me.

     This author then decided to conduct further, private inquiries into Colonel Ardenti's background and possible motives. What I discovered was indeed interesting. Were this information collected by me in the course of legitimate military intelligence duties for the Agencies which formerly employed me, it would be considered Top Secret or above, to avoid embarrassment to Allied governments and National Security. But as it was collected by a now private citizen to satisfy personal curiosity and to enlighten a public already deeply enmeshed in a vile conspiracy of lies, deceit and outright bad taste, I am more than happy to share it with you.

     First of all, let's consider Ardenti's previous career choices.

     From 1934 to 1943, the Colonel was an officer in the Italian Army of Benito Mussolini. He began as a junior lieutenant attached to the Squadristi, or "the Blackshirts". He commanded a squad of 'stormtroopers', whose job it was to intimidate opponents of the Fascist regime by administering beatings and doses of castor oil to 'purge impure and disloyal bacteria from the intestines of the Roman body'.

     At first, the young zealous Wolf-Cub found this duty both stimulating and diverting. But, like all young men, the excitement quickly paled. Yet, the Duce's desire to refound the Roman Empire in 1935 offered our proto-Hero the chance to not only share in his Leader's dreams of Imperial Glory, but to rise further in the Service of the Corporate State. Ardenti accompanied the crack Savoya division during the invasion of Ethiopia. While there, he was promoted to Captain, and assigned to the Intelligence Section of the Secret State Police, which had set up a field office near the Great Rift Valley. One evening, Ardenti was ordered to take a squad of men and secretly arrest (he was a secret policeman, afterall) the headman and tribal elders of the village of Mot'a. He was then to interrogate them, and afterwards turn them over to the Italian Air Force, so they could be thrown from a bomber in flight onto their village as a lesson in the futility of resistance.

     Sadly, Ardenti misread his maps, took a wrong turn, and ended up in Gonder, which was already occupied by units of bersaglieri and carabinieri field police. As Ardenti and his soldiers had consumed a great deal of Chianti, they were arrested for public intoxication and improper operation of a military vehicle during time of war.

     Further assignments and successes culminated in his being promoted to lieutenant colonel in 1940, and assigned as liaison to Pact of Steel partner, Germany. Here, Ardenti's dream became reality. He had admired the Nazi leader Hitler from afar for a very long time, and now, he was able to learn how a real jackbooted thug conducted business properly.

     Readers will note that the photo of the dapper Colonel Ardenti that graces the page of his column in this magazine dates from this period. What they do not realize is that it is cropped from a larger photo showing Ardenti with a group of German officers in the entourage of Hitler's mistress, Eva Braun, in Paris in 1940.

     After Italy surrendered to the Allies in 1943, Ardenti fled north to Mussolini's separatist Italian Socialist Republic. He worked hand in glove for the Gestapo, denouncing people whom he thought contemplated a German defeat.

     When this did occur, Ardenti, reduced to living off his veteran's pension, became a screenwriter for Italia Studios and Ricardo Carletti Putnamio. There he wrote such classics as Duel of the Champions (1954), Marcus Colitus: Centurion of Rome (1955), Women Wrestlers of Nero (1956), Hercules vs. The Microcephalic (1956), Women Wrestlers of Nero meet the Fighting Females of Vespasian in Pompeii (1957), The Son of Spartacus Against the Enemies of Caesar, (1958); Scipio Africanus, Crusher of Hannibal, (1960); Severus, the Mighty [aka Severus the Destroyer] (1961); and numerous Italo-Spanish westerns, all for Ricardo Carletti Putnamio.

     There is also the mention of another manual, apparently intended only for higher ranking officers of this organization, which may be called simply, in German, Das Schwarzbuch. The Black Book.

     While this author has never seen a bonafide copy of this "Black Book", he knows people who have. What they have read between its covers frightens them.

     To grab the bull by the balls, as it were, this author contends that Colonel Ardenti has somehow been foisted on this magazine. It appears his motives are not in the best interests of the magazine, its staff, its readership, or humanity in general. He has already severely compromised the success of a legitimate military operation by his treacherous statements. He has sown confusion by seriously downplaying truly horrendous deeds and activities by certain groups and factions, while exaggerating and inventing the actions of others.

     When I competed in Mr. Abbadon's recent fund-raising Polo For Palsy polo match, I confronted Colonel Ardenti with the above facts. The Colonel became enraged and attacked me, but using deft parries of my polo mallet, I was more than able to defend myself and unhorsed Ardenti, rendering him briefly unconscious. As he was carried from the field, I was forced to ride off and finish the chukka, but heard later that he had threatened me with dire revenge.

     Now I know the form of that vengeance. If character assasination is all he can do, perhaps he should have risen higher, perhaps to the very pinnacle of the promotion ladder in the Italian Service.

     As Zoar, IA businessman and Commander of the Iowa Chapter of Men of Freedom, Charles Hotz, told me when he discovered this;

     "All you've done, Colonel Campbell, is scratched the tip of the iceberg. Your friends at Aerodyne may help you find the rest. When you do, tell the world. Tell the Whole World!"