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Palo Alto: Controversial University of Emmetsburg Paranormal Investigator and part-time Third Eye Over Iowa correspondent, Horst Wessel, was arrested on June 17. According to Emmetsburg police, Wessel forced his way through the tour entrance at Aerodyne Labs then allegedly disrobed in front of a third grade class visiting from Masonic Grove.
A reliable source affiliated with security at Aerodyne described Wessel at the time of his apprehension as being in a "highly delusional panicky state".
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U of E Paranormal Investigator and Activist Horst Wessel
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Sandra Boxer, a parent chaperoning the school children, said Wessel claimed to bear scars on his body that came from injuries he sustained while climbing Mount Tödi earlier that morning. "He was very, very disturbed," an angry and distraught Ms. Boxer explained. "He interrupted the tour guide who was a very nice young man and said we were all being duped by mincing and smiling butchers. I told him to go away and that he was scaring the children but he insisted that we listen to him and believe him---that it was vital to the existence of the human race! I am not making it up when I tell you that he said he had seen a 400 foot tall Admiral Wilhelm Canaris built by aliens during the last Ice Age over 10,000 years ago. It had been frozen in the glacier high up on the mountain. Because of global warming it would soon come to life. This would signal the worldwide activation of the Alien cyborgs that he called 'Robosluts' to begin what he called 'primary genetic material sampling' of world leaders. Well, I told him he was a lunatic and then he said that one had been discovered operating at the White House as an intern.
"We couldn't take anymore of it and we tried to get away from him. That's when he pulled off his clothes and insisted we look at his scars all over his naked body. Thank God for those brave Aerodyne Security Men; they materialized out of no where and smoothly whisked him away. I don't know how a person like that is allowed to run berserk through the streets.
"Afterwards, that nice Dr. Stahl came down and saw that the children all got free icecream. He's a very warm and charming old man. Much more pleasant than that pompous windbag, Dr. Rosenweitz over at Tesla Labs."
Wessel has been taken to the Crippen Psychiatric Care Center at the University of Emmetsburg Hospital & Clinics for observation. Emmetsburg Police reports state that Dr. Immelman Stahl has filed papers for Wessel to be committed involuntarily to Massaraty Asylum near Mount Pleasant, Iowa. Wessel announced through his psychiatrist, Dr. Mason Ung, that he will fight Stahl's efforts with the aid of his legal representative, Hilton Engles.
The hearing date is set for August 11.
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