Blast Seen As Attempt On Koppelmeister's Life

Bremer: A delivery truck containing over a ton of ammonium nitrate as well as highly volatile petroleum chemicals exploded outside the Greater Maple Avenue Reich's Governmental Annex formerly known as the Mentor City Hall. The building, which contained the offices of Greater Maple Avenue Reich's Leader Werner Koppelmeister, took heavy damage from the September 28 blast. Koppelmeister, the only person inside the building at the time, miraculously escaped with only a bloody nose.

     Emergency workers discovered Koppelmeister pinned under his massive oaken desk. The Greater Maple Avenue Reich Leader, though visibly shaken, joked with rescue workers as they helped him down a ladder from the remains of his second story office. Koppelmeister was sitting at his desk when the force of the explosion apparently drove the desk up against him, protecting him from further injury.

     When questioned about the blast, Koppelmeister heroically cast aside the bloodied handkerchief he had held to his nose and shouted, "What more proof do you need that Providence itself has ordained that I am destined to lead the Greater Maple Avenue Reich victoriously over the cowardly subhuman vermin infesting our society? Vile creatures have crept out of their stinking holes to strike against my life but, Providence shielded me in my desperate moment of need!"

     According to Bremer County Emergency Services, the delivery truck belonging to Ralston Dunbar of Dunbar's Ag Equipment had parked half an hour before the explosion over a leaking natural gas main. Tony McDowel, a spokesman for Mentor Farmers' Power Co-op, explained that as natural gas enveloped the hot engine and cab of the vehicle, a static charge built up.

     "It was just like lighting an electric-start gas burner," explains McDowel. "It had just the right mix of air and natural gas for the static discharge to touch it off."

     The incident follows hard on the August 12 suicide of Greater Maple Avenue Reich Superintendent of Public Security, Wilt Garner. Garner's body was discovered in the basement of his Mentor home.

     Leader Koppelmeister, however, darkly scoffs at McDowel's explanation for the explosion saying, "What craven fools I am forced to endure! Do they expect their Leader duped as easily as themselves? Do they believe I am blind to enemies lurking at my elbow conspiring at my downfall? I shall crush these pests with an iron fist!"