IOWA'S SENSUOUS CZECH VISIONARY,
SISTER KASI

Dear Extremely Attractive Witch,

     I wonder if you can give me a good love charm? I have been looking into the matter myself, but all the ones I have found require very expensive components or are extremely difficult to perform. Aren't there any cheap and easy ways to magically win woman's heart-or at least her lust?

     On Line and Lonely in the UK

     Dear Lonely,

     I don't know why men constantly look to magic to get the fleshy delights they seek instead of focusing on the self and working to become a little more attractive. Still, even in this pursuit you want the cheapest and easiest love charm. Maybe you ought to instead set your sights on the cheapest and easiest love object. Oh well, you're not the first to turn to magic out of laziness and lust.

     Try these spells and charms:

     1) Thread a needle with a single hair from the head of your beloved, then at midnight run it through the fleshiest limb of a dead man.

     2) Find a pair of dogs locked in copulation, lay a cloth over them until they finish. Later, give the cloth to the girl you want, saying the following: "I the dog, she the bitch, I the helve, she the axe, I the cock, she the hen, that, that I desire."

     3) Take a pot that has never been used before. Bury the pot with either an onion or tulip bulb inside it. While planting, say the name of the one you desire over it. Then every morning, noon, and night repeat the following over it: "As this root grows, and as this blossom blows, may her heart be turned unto me."

     4) Develop a personality, remain well groomed, be confident in every regard, listen while conversing, and display wealth in an ostentatious fashion.

     One of these is bound to work for you. But not on me.

     Kasi, O venerated Mage,

     I am currently conducting magikal incantations similar to those described in "Magikal Record of the Beast", but am confounded on a sticky point not really considered when the original text was written. In the making of the "bloody elixir" can one use a condom and not spoil the spell? Crowley gives no real indication of the impact of safe sexual practices. Is the element of risk a necessary component?

     Cautious and Confounded in Keota

     Dear Cautious,

     An excellent question. Try this method, after completing the "safe" preliminary portion, remove the male member and insert a finger or other safe object into the yoni, then pouring the contents of the condom over it, thus safely creating the mixed elixir. It is still a little dangerous to partake of the mixture orally, but safer in terms of STDs and AIDS. There is almost no risk if you use this method to create elixir for anointing sigils and other magikal effects.

     Dear Sister,

     What can I do with a sheep?

     Bored on the Farm in Buckeye

     Dear Bored,

     Apart from the obvious, it is said that the liver of sheep beautifies a woman when applied to her face, and eating the lungs of a sheep after a period of fasting will prevent drunkenness. The English say that the tongue of a sheep worn as an amulet will prevent drowning, but I'd say its easier to buy make up, avoid booze, and stay out of the water. Native Peoples of the Rocky Mountains say that the horn of a mountain sheep will keep the bearer from telling a lie. That's why I always give them as wedding presents....it causes the most delicious chaos.

     Email your letters to Sister Kasi at:

     SisterKasi@aol.com