UNIVERSITY OF EMMETSBURG

     FOOTBALL TEAM KIDNAPPED?

Palo Alto: At a April 14th press conference, a spokesperson for the University of Emmetsburg Peelers Football Team confirmed rumors leaked to the press that something very strange had happened to the team the night of January 9. When the team was enroute by bus from their campus to the Emmetsburg Regional Airport to board a jet that would take them and their booster club to the annual Righteous Bowl in Marin County, California. According to Marcia Blavitz-Kelly, "After a rigorous investigation by law enforcement and other consulting organizations, the University's Investigative Task Force has concluded that the team has experienced what is known as 'missing time phenomena'."

     "It was the weirdest damn thing," recounted bus driver Pat Brophy following the announcement. "It was about 8:30 at night. We just pulled outta town, headin' south on Highway 4 to the airport. We musta gone about a mile outta town, the team was singin' the libretto from 1776, havin' a good time and all, when suddenly, there was these strange lights in the sky. I slowed down, and the lights seemed to get closer. I pulled over to the side of the road, and by now everyone on the bus saw 'em. They just floated over by the edge of the road, and we watched 'em for awhile, and then they just suddenly took off, straight up and off to the west, just like a meteor. Fastest things I ever saw."

     As soon as the lights dissappeared, the bus resumed its journey to the airport, a further two miles. It was when they arrived at the airport that they became aware of an even deeper mystery. For although the driver and passengers estimated the sighting to have occured at approximately 8:35 pm, and the duration of the entire event to be no more than three minutes, by the time they arrived at the airport it was 11:26 pm.

     "I can't understand what happened," said Peelers Assistant Coach Rodney Huepenfeld. "That drive doesn't take more than ten minutes, even during a blizzard. But it took us nearly three hours to drive five miles."

     "Nobody on that bus can remember anything except for stopping and watching the lights. Not a blessed thing more," says Emmetsburg Police Sergeant Angelo O'Malley.

     According to Marcia Blavitz-Kelly, the State Department of Criminal Investigations consulted with specialists from the University of Emmetsburg's Aerodyne Propulsion Laborotories and even the Georg von Podebrad College Department of Parapsychology during the investigation, but was unable to discover anything concrete.

     The University of Emmetsburg Peelers, despite their late arrival at the Regional Airport, went on to win the Righteous Bowl, beating Malibu Tech 48-3.