Dancing Superheroes Foil Zoar Bank Robbery

Cedar: Monday, May 3rd saw the daring daylight bank robbery by five heavily armed assailants thwarted by the surprising intervention of five masked crime fighters. The heroes, clad in colorful spandex costumes reminiscent of swans, pirouetted eagerly into action against five ski-masked gunmen fleeing the local Heartland Investor's State Bank in downtown Zoar.

     "Them robbers told us to keep our heads down on the floor," says 81 year old Mel Higgins, "but as soon as that glass door shut, I heard one of them yell and...now, I'm tellin' you, it were the most amazin' thing I ever saw since D-Day! These five young folks, two of 'em was women...well they was all dressed in shiny white leotards with silvery feathery shoulder-things, they attacked those crooks. Only it were like they were doin' ballet! You know, like two of the guys would spin one of the girls real fast and she'd kick one of the robbers in the chin. I mean hard, too, you could hear the bone crack! And they were fast, like greased lightnin'. Never saw anything like it in my life. And when the police got there, one of the men says something corny, like, 'Thank you Officers, our work here is done! Swan Lake Avengers, Away!' I about spit out my dentures when I heard that!"

     Spokesperson for the Zoar Police Department, Lieutenant Des Pfieffer gave a more complete description of what happened.

     "Four officers responding to a burglary alarm at the downtown branch of the Heartland Investor's State Bank and arrived on the scene at 2:21 PM. They there witnessed 5 masked civilians dressed in white and silver sequined ballet costumes subduing the five individuals identified as those that held up the bank. The officers described them using a combination of classical dance movements to execute martial arts attacks against the bank robbers. When officers moved to intervene, the individuals broke off their attacks and drove away in a white van-like vehicle which had a large bird or swan-like head mounted on the hood. We have contacted the Georg von Podebrad College Theater Department to determine if any sort of ballet costumes were missing; none have been reported. We are reviewing video from surveillance cameras to identify these graceful crimefighters."