IOWA'S SENSUOUS CZECH VISIONARY,
SISTER KASI

Dear Sister,

     Are there things which will not arouse suspicion if I purchase them for use in magic? I don't want to have to place an order for eye of newt with my pharmacist!

     Timid in Tiffin

     Dear Timid,

     There are a lot of powerful things which can be found in anyone's kitchen. Witches use salt to give protection. Throw it over your left shoulder, wear it in a pouch, sprinkle it everywhere and you will be well guarded....and it can be used to form powerful magic circles for rituals. Garlic, too, is good for protection magic. A good way to avoid raised eyebrows at your herbalist's is to ask for the more obscure items by their scientific name. For example, instead of requesting Wolf's Bane, ask for Aconite (used in many potions and flying ointments). Beans are powerful sexual and fertility symbols. A carrot, taken with wine is supposed to be an aphrodisiac. However, if you have a hankering you don't enjoy, eating lettuce will help to alleviate lust.

     Learned and beautiful Kasi,

     I'm a professional Dean Martin impersonator and dabbler in the Occult. In working on my act I made an uncomfortable discovery, although I concede that it may be mere coincidence. On the Capitol Years Collection of Dino's swinging song stylings there is a duet sung with Peggy Lee called "You Was". The song was originally recorded in 1948 and contains a lyric which goes: "If I were to ask you who the apple of my eye was?" to which Peggy sings back to Dean, "I'd say I was." This pattern is repeated throughout the song. It was with a start that I realized "I was" sounds very like "Aiwass", the entity that brought Crowley into occultism. Were Dean Martin and Peggy Lee Crowleyites who secretly worshipped the dark powers?

     Crooning in Iowa City

     Dear Crooning,

     Your memory serves you well, but where it takes you is a dead end. Aiwass was indeed the spiritual guide for Crowley, and is perhaps a reflection of Lovecraft's Azathoth, or the Sumerian Azag-thoth. I think you are hearing a connection between the song lyrics and that entity which is not there, although it is a charming idea that such a sweet song about love might actually be a salute and public devotion to Crowley's patron spirit. Don't think that it is as outlandish as it might seem, either. Remember that, although Dean, Lawford, Sinatra, and other Rat Packers had no specific connections to the Occult, Sammy Davis Junior was a member of Anton LeVey's Church of Satan prior to his joining the Church of Scientology. Let me know when you get the act in shape....I'd love to come listen to you sing while stirring my wine with a long orange vegetable.

     Dear Inspired Sister,

     Please help me. I am in a relationship with an incredibly erotic woman, but she insists that before sex I take a freezing cold shower for five full minutes, and then lie perfectly still on the bed while she delights herself with me. What is she doing to me? Also, she plays old Abba albums while we're at it.

     Shivering in Stone City

     Dear Shivering,

     My initial response is, if it ain't broke, don't fix it. I admire your ability to maintain arousal through a five minute cold shower...perhaps you have a history of premature ejaculation which her ritual is designed to foil, certainly the Abba tunes would also lend themselves to numbing the sex drive sufficiently to allow for maximum enjoyment before release. I have looked into Nordic mythology and can find no rituals which require such bathing practices prior to coital union. I have to question your suspicion and suggest that you have not given me all the information you might in order to clarify and alleviate your concern. Does she have a background in Aryan Shamanism? Does she believe to have been in contact with the "Nordic Type" of alien? Have you or your partner ever had an abduction experience? Write to me privately with full details and I will do what I can to help you, if any help is needed. One last thought, however: why is it that when men have a question they want to ask their partner, they ask every other woman they know instead?

     Email your letters to Sister Kasi at:

     SisterKasi@aol.com