THE MYSTERY OF IOWA'S

     HORSE TAIL THEFTS

submitted by William Dodge

Johnson: A recent spate of horse tail thefts has Johnson County residents scratching their heads. Thus far, a total of 7 tails have gone missing. A reward has been offered for the apprehension of the thieves. Don Gaddis, of Solon, has posted the reward after three of his horses suffered the loss of their tails in late July. Two horses at Kirkwood Community College were shorn of their tails on July 13th. Two months previous, tails were removed from two horses at Upmier Stables near the community of Ely.

     Animal cruelty has been ruled out as a motive for the thefts, as in all cases the perpetrators left 1/5th of the tail, or the short boney part fully intact. This will allow the hair on the tails to eventually grow back, a process which will take almost two years. At the height of fly season, the tail thefts are particularly bothersome to the poor creatures. As a stop gap measure braided strips of cotton fabric have been tied to the tail stubs to swat at the flies, and tail "wigs" have been ordered to replace the denim. Linn and Johnson County detectives hot on the case.

     The nagging question of motive persists, however. As reported in the Cedar Rapids Gazette (July 22, 1997, 1A) Nellie Wilson of the Horse Science Technology Program at Kirkwood suggests the hair was taken to make hat bands or belts, or that they might be using the stolen hair to "fill out" the tails of show horses. Others are not so certain such a simple solution is the answer. Residents of New Castle have seen an increase in teen crime and teachers at the town's middle school say there is an alarming interest among the young people in the occult and ritual black magic. They say they would not be surprised if the thefts are tied in some way to the children's macabre interest.

     Six years ago a balding, lecherous drunkard named Martin Silenus was fired from his job as history teacher from Sylvanus Middle School in New Castle. Though beloved by the children, he was dismissed for frequently appearing to be intoxicated while executing his duties as a teacher. Superintendent Honorton said that Silenus tended to focus on "alternative religions" during his lessons, which troubled parents even more than the drinking on the job. When I located Silenus for comment on the horse tail thefts, he was more than forthcoming.

     "Well, you see, you got to understand, these kids might or might not be involved. I got a little impromptu study group I lead on Sundays. And they talk about it, like its cool, you know, that the tails got stolen. I'm not saying anything, I haven't seen anything, and I certainly didn't put them up to it, like some of these people in this shit hole town are saying I did. But, in our study group on shamanism we did cover the horse pretty extensively earlier in the year."

     I asked him why study the horse. He smiled a big sloppy grin. "The horse, my ignorant friend, is a very important magical symbol, you know, " the pot-bellied man slurred through thick lips. He constantly smelled his fingers, raising them to his stubby nose in a very disconcerting way. I offered him another glass of wine just to give his hands something else to do. He gladly accepted the drink and continued with his lecture.

     "The horse has had mystical, spiritual, and paranormal associations all through history. Jung, that psychologist guy, said the horse represents the mother within us....Do you know there are fetishists in this town I know of who like nothing better than to bugger the things? And to add to the excitement, they stab them with knives while the do it to the mares. They have to wear protective gear, of course, and you don't have to explain why you have it if you're on the god damned football team! Oh, my god, what human beings and full backs are capable of calling pleasure, eh! Oh, that won't get in the papers, will it? I show up in class with a little nerve tonic on my breath and its out the door---but one of those little fuckers on the football team nearly gets his guts kicked in by a horse he's mutilating during intercourse and he gets a god damned scholarship! Perverse? Perversion is the standard currency in this little backwater........But I digress; you want to know about horses, and all I can tell you is the horse has an attraction to us that we can't explain. They are connected to intuitive understanding and the magical side of humanity. And there is a sexual link we try to ignore....That is where we get the centaur image, from our long history of wanting to couple with the horse."

     I assured him that I had no such history, and asked him, "What, exactly, about horses did you study in your group?"

     "Well, what we've touched on here, and we also studied sympathetic magic and how the shaman uses parts of an animal to get closer to the traits of the animal. Animism." He said. I pressed him to go on, as his eyes began to glaze a bit.

     "These shamanic rites, they involve costumes a lot of times. See, or they get a horse made of sticks and bamboo, or a broomstick, and they tie horse hair to it, and supposedly the stick horse can carry the shaman to forbidden realms or into the sky. Fly. You know. Like on the beginning of Bewitched. I mean, really fly. I've seen it. Look, its all just conjecture. Maybe somebody is trying to get more into the magic of the horse by taking these tails....maybe not. Maybe you got some witch out there working on a magical spell. Maybe its me. If you say its me, I'll just deny it. You don't have any proof, or you wouldn't be here without cops."

     I asked, "Specifically, what use could the tail of a horse could be put to?"

     "I'm tired. OK, you want to know. Ok, horse hair is a material component in a lot of magical spells including those dealing with controlling the forces of nature, fertility, and clairvoyance. A lot of love potions use them, but with the amount of hair that's been stolen, I'd rule that out. Listen, you be careful with this shit. I personally don't think its the kids. You have to bear in mind, there's a strong neo-druid presence in this county. They are up to all kinds of shit. I think they run the city council here. I think they got me fired for knowing too much. They got temple complexes on some of this county's most influential corporations...but if I told you which ones, I'd end up killed. You remember that shit with the Deer Man a few months back? Grisly business." Silenus gulped more wine, then continued, "See the druids, and the Celts, they had this Epona Goddess, she was the patroness of horses and had everything to do with death, graves, healing spirits....her horses carried souls to the land of the dead. This shit started happening around Beltane, didn't it? You want my advice, forget about the reward, drop the investigation and assume its just some 14 year old girl wanting a blue ribbon at the horse show. Believe what the cops tell you, not magicians. You'll live a lot longer."

     "Are you a magician?" I asked.

     "Interview over, get the hell out of my house!" Silenus growled into his empty goblet.





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