Is the Government Trying To Silence

     Third Eye Over Iowa?

     The storm has been characterized by meteorologists with the National Weather Service in the Quad Cities as having an unusually strong downburst that caused great turbulence at the front edge of the storm. While Doppler Radar indicated no tornadic rotation mere minutes before the storm hit town, the sound of the approaching storm was consistent with a tornado. No funnel cloud was seen in Iowa City, though one was reported briefly north of town. Witnesses say the sky over Iowa City looked "greenish-black" shortly before the storm arrived. When it hit, the wind-whipped rain made it look as if the world was engulfed in rice paper. Other experts noted that the subsequent damage was consistent with tornadoes and this was confirmed by local witnesses and law enforcement.

     Patrons of Iowa City businesses and taverns sheltered in darkened basements. Fifteen minutes later, when the raging storm passed, area residents were without power. With typical midwestern aplomb, no looting resulted and motorists took turns at intersections as even traffic lights were out. While the majority of residents now shrug off the event as typical midwestern summer weather, some people believe the storm was generated by a secret Defense Department conspiracy within the Federal Government.

     According to Iowa City resident and local Iowa Men of Freedom recruiter, Dan Rutherford, the storm was intended not solely to silence Third Eye Over Iowa.

     "These guys want to install Federal Emergency Management Agency personnel in positions of local power to facilitate the final establishment of the New World Order. Former Vice President Dan Quayle was at the Radisson Hotel with Congressman Jim Leach for a Republican Fund Raiser when the storm hit. Go on, tell me it was a dumb coincidence. I think not!"

     The fierceness of this recent storm comes mysteriously upon the heels of the May 15 tornado that destroyed a Third Eye storage warehouse that safeguarded particularly sensitive, irreplaceable documents. Among these were a pair of microdots indentifying organizations and individuals funded by the secretive society known as Der Wasserbund, or more derisively, The Incontinentii. The Wasserbund is allegedly headed by Zoar businessman and Commander of the Iowa Men of Freedom Militia, Charles A. Hotz. (see: Der Wasserbund, May, 1998, vol. 5, Issue #5). Mr. Hotz could not be reached for comment, and has not returned any of our phone calls.

     "This was pure Black Ops," Campbell proclaimed loudly to the assembled staff. "My own highly placed sources within the U.S. Intelligence Community say there's a secret section of the Pentagon up to its neck in Weather Control and they work for the bad guys who don't want the public knowing about certain secrets. Those are just the facts. End of discussion!"

     "I have a Honda emergency generator, Colonel, as you well know. Why don't you tell us why you still have power and why your home received no damage. Or are your jackboots squeezing your tiny little balls up into what passes for your brain? Why don't you just go back to your home planet?"

     Perplexed, Ardenti replied, "What home planet?"

     "Dago-ba," Campbell smirked, arousing much laughter from the male reporters.

     I did not see who threw the first punch, but a macho display of a fists and unbalanced karate kicks broke out between the two Colonels. Staff cheered them on; several of loudest being women reporters. As the staff and the bar's management took no steps to break up the testosterone-driven brawl, I chose to step in, even though I'm a relatively new contributor. I used my pepper spray on Ardenti, and hit Campbell over the head with a bottle of Guinness Stout.

     Ardenti retired weeping to the Men's room, while Campbell dragged himself to his feet. I noticed with alarm that he was eyeing me with a leering kind of respect.

     "Lady," he said, wiping the beer from his head and face with a bar towel, "I've been ambushed by Victor Charley, brawled with Marines in Saigon whorehouses, napalmed by our own Air Force, and bushwhacked by Aerodyne Nazis. But that was one hell of a cold-cock. Let me buy you a drink."

     Before I could hit him again, another call came for Colonel Campbell from Mr. Abbadon. When the meeting resumed, nothing further conclusive was decided. We hope further investigation will reveal more facts concerning these recent events.