AERODYNE AND THE MYSTERIOUS STEALTH AIRCRAFT

     In this instance, U of E Paranormal Investigator, Horst Wessel, claimed to have evidence that University of Emmetsburg's Aerodyne Propulsion Laboratories (see: "Mysterious Stealth Aircraft" Seen Over Aerodyne, April 1998, vol. 5, Issue #5) had developed and was test flying a stealth aircraft for the USAF over Palo Alto County and Five-Island Lake that had been "back-engineered" from alien technology gleaned from the crash of the 1947 saucer and other sources.

     Mr. Wessel is, according to various Emmetsburg witnesses and law-enforcement personnel, a "fruit loop".

     Emmetsburg Police Department Sergeant Angelo O'Malley called Wessel ". . . (A) public nuisance. Last week he came into Headquarters and claimed that Aerodyne was planning a planet-wide point defense against some 'reptoid invasion'. I mean, come on, we've booked the guy for public indecency 12 times in the past four months. The poor jerk can't seem to keep his clothes on."

     Wessel has, in fact, been examined at the U of E's Crippen Psychiatric Care Center only once during the past two years, although patient privacy laws preclude any access to his records. A staff member of the Crippen Psychiatric Care Center, speaking on condition of strict anonymity, did say, that while in the Center, Mr. Wessel claimed to be smeared with a hallucinogenic gel by a female US Government Intelligence agent ordered to discredit his work.

     The fact that Mr. Wessel had no photographic evidence to prove his claim was blamed by Wessel on the fact that he could not buy a camera mount for his telescope, as he had just been turned down for a work-study position by the University of Emmetsburg's Classics Department Outreach Program.

     Professor the Reverend Rabbi Bunny Shapiro, Chairman of the U of E Classics Outreach Program, when reached for comment, stated that "The Committee decided that Mr. Wessel lacked the appropriate communication skills which would make him (Wessel) eligible for the work-study position. He just couldn't talk to the general public about Homer and Tacitus without trying to link them with Jovian colonists and reptoid invasions."

     It can only be obvious that Mr. Wessel is somewhat unhinged (I use this term at the urging of Third Eye Over Iowa's legal department.) In the past, Mr. Wessel has insisted that Iowa was colonized by settlers from Jupiter's moon, Io (see: Early Iowa Colonized By Denizens Of A Jovian Moon, August, 1997, vol. 4, Issue #8), and that the reported Roman ruins found recently in Five-Island Lake were in fact the remains of a giant lithic computer. In light of these statements, Mr. Wessel's claims must be taken with a grain of salt, at least.

     In regards to the "mysterious stealth aircraft" seen in the vicinity of Five-Island Lake, this reporter's sources within Aerodyne and the US Military Intelligence Community confirm, unofficially, that a new generation of stealth capable aircraft are being designed and test-flown by USAF and Aerodyne test pilots.

     Many reputable witnesses, including Sergeant O'Malley, Emmetsburg PD, have seen the aircraft, the latter as recently as two days prior to the writing of this story.

     "It was about 11:30," Sergeant O'Malley recalled. "We were just coming out of the Biloxi Theater, where we'd been watching a quadruple bill of Ricardo Carletti Putnamio's Marcus Colitus, Centurion of Rome; Hercules vs. the Microcephalic, High Plains Ducé, and Once Upon a Time in a Small Town in a Big Country. We had a good view over the lake. This trio of triangularly situated lights popped out of the sky at the north end of the lake. I mean, it came down from on high real fast.

     "It stopped and hovered over the cruiser Borealis, than flew in toward the main campus of the University. It disappeared for a minute behind Kerensky Hall, popped up over the David Ellis women's dorm, headed toward the Union, flip-flopped between the Union and the statue of Admiral Canaris, and zoomed straight up. During this whole time, it didn't make a sound."

     "It is preposterous!" Dr. Stahl exclaimed. "For an aircraft to behave as this one is supposed to have done! It violates all known laws of physics. As to its' stealth capabilities? That is a matter of National Security. I have no further comment."

     "Why do you persist in this ridiculous line of questioning? Leave me alone! Get out of my office! I don't care about your clearances! Get out of my life, Herr Campbell! Und take those verdamter peanut butter cookies mit du!"

     On a calmer note, Dr. Franz "Bubbi" Kusche, deputy Director of Operations at Aerodyne, examined the drawings very carefully.

     "Of course, the configuration is all wrong. It conforms with stealth aircraft designed in the past twenty years, but in light of everything we know, it is an obsolescent design. It is understandable when seen at night, as the navigational and anticollision lights would make it look triangular. Actually, the XSTFB-3 is more crescent shaped. I can say no more."

     Dr. Kusche, on the other hand, examined the material with great interest.

     "Aber naturlich, it is well before my time. But I have heard of such things. Unofficially, of course."

     Taken into consideration with everything that this writer has uncovered in the past, along with the testimony of reliable eyewitnesses, one can only conclude that a new generation of stealth aircraft is being developed and tested by Aerodyne Propulsion Labs using alien technology.

     Mr. Wessel, meanwhile, when asked to comment, grew very agitated. "Mars Explodes!" he shouted, ripping off his shirt and running away. "Mars Explodes!"