Hans Abbadon Nixes Action Figure Rumor


Polk: Amid a flurry of wild speculation during the Christmas shopping season, Publisher Hans Abbadon announced that Third Eye Over Iowa never had any intention of marketing action figures nor was there any intention of doing so in the forseeable future.

     The rumors began when Father Alcott charged Third Eye's publisher, Hans Abbadon on KGVP's live call-in paranormal show, Unseen Worlds. KGVP is owned by Georg von Podebrad College and is staffed by students.

     During the show, Alcott alledged that Abbadon intended to release Third Eye Over Iowa Action Figuresª as to clear the way for a Third Eye Over Iowa Role Playing Gameª. The game, said Fr. Alcott, "...was a thinnly veiled trap designed to ensare the souls of the righteous and innocent to execute Abbadon's demonic evil will." Allcott also hinted that the 2-inch tall figures would contain micro-electronic equipment of extraterrestial design to monitor and control the will of their owners.

     While the announcement has been heralded as a victory by Alcott and his congregation at All Saints Episcopal Church in Hopkin's Grove, many collectors expressed saddeness during a recent comic-book convention in Iowa City where many eagerly awaited the figures' release.

     "There was a lot of money going to be spent on the first edition characters," lamented tweleve year old Dan Rather, who inspite of his years and Pokéman t-shirt looked remarkably like the veteran news anchor. "I know a couple of people ready to spend $500 on a Col. Harrison Campbell or Adellé Cavalier or a Will Posey. 'Course, you couldn't give away the Putnam, Ristau, Trollinger, or Warner ones."

     While officially unavailable for comment, an unidentified Third Eye staff reporter remarked that a tea-cozy in the likeness of Col. Campbell existed in the staff lounge.





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