Psychic Show Replaces Animal
Atrocities On Public Access
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Palo Alto: Renown Emmetsburg psychic Omar Zoloft received the go ahead from the City of Emmetsburg to broadcast his psychic predictions show on the Emmetsburg Public Access Channel. The show, Omar Predicts, replaces the highly controversial Amazing Animal Enemas which was canceled when student members of the University Of Emmetsburg Animal Rights Movement (ARM) voiced outrage over the show's content.
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Emmetsburg's "Only" Psychic: Omar Zoloft replaces "Amazing Animal Enemas" on public Access.
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U of E Student ARM Director, George C. Abbott, charges that Amazing Animal Enemas exploited and tortured animals for the shock-entertainment value and even used a garden hose on a shrew.
"Sent the little thing blasting off just like one of those toy water rockets. There's some very sick people who might think this sort of thing funny, but it's cruel and evil. And not the kind of values we ought to be teaching our children!"
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Omar Zoloft, best known perhaps for causing a panic among spectators at the Righteous Bowl (see: Black Zeppelin Drops Booze On Righteous Bowl, February, 1998, vol. 5, Issue #2), thinks his show will be both instructive and revealing.
"I plan to explore the strange and marvelous psychic phenomena happening in this town and out on in Five Island Lake as well as expose the fakers and charlatans. For starters, I'll begin exploring what malevolent forces having been wreaking havoc at the Admiral Canaris Ballroom at the University of Emmetsburg.
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Rival Psychic Michael Notredam scrying the foam in his beaker of heated Guiness.
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We'll also attempt a live remote viewing of just what's inside that mysterious hanger at Aerodyne Propulsion Labs. We'll take a look at just how one self-touted psychic scryes oracles from the patterns of beer foam in his Guinness glass. And of course, I'll make prognostications of earth-shattering events for the upcoming month. My show will be instructive and revealing!"
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