Third Eye Over Iowa Classifed Ads

Home of
The Camelopard and The Guide to Lost Wonder
among other inspiring pamphlets & books of mysterious places and practises.

Edited by Clint Marsh

Smegmov Imperial Vodka: The Spirit of the Steppes

Imperial Condoms:  Get a PAX and Not the POX!

Colonel Putnam's Military Academy:

Honor * Duty * Conform Or Be Crushed

Make It Your Place!

5 S. Dubuque St.
Iowa City

Great People.
Great Guiness.

...and the bomb's a dud...we tried!

One of the Heartland's finest wineries;
Nestled atop the Sun-Splashed Banks
Of the Mighty Mississippi.

Savor Midwestern Handcrafted Quality in every sparkling glass of

Dairy Aire Winery Enter
Click the Cow to Enter

Nietzsche Lager Beer Label

Please Enjoy Nietzsche Lager Beer In Responsible Moderation.

Experience the glitter...
The magic...
and the Hell of being trapped 250 meters down...

The Palo Alto Operetta Workshop Presents:

Directed by Jurgen 'Eisenaugen' Wassergott
The Cruiser Borealis Theater Dec. 5-Jan. 5, 7 pm
Tickets on sale at the Lakefront Mall, Emmetsburg, IA

Endulge Your Senses with

Runyan's Rendered Lard

& other fine
Feedlot Byproduct®
Beauty Balms!

We're going whole hog for your good looks!

The University of Emmetsburg

regrets to announce that its
New Year's Eve Party is Canceled.
Adm. Wilhelm Canaris Memorial Ballroom
will be closed through Jan. 23, 1998
for electrical repairs.

Advanced Networks
United Systems

have merged to form

Professional Computer Networking Experts,
Zoar, Iowa

We're Behind You!

Worried by Nannies who can't tell
the Infant from the Rattle?

Know where your child is
all the time with
Durable 54 Gallon ALL-STEEL
American-Built Oil Drums!

Secure-A-Kid Systems, LLC

also offers the easy maintenance &
peace of mind for larger familes caring
for older relatives
with its new
Containerization Warehousing Package.

Contact your local Dealer Today
...because Family Matters!


The hi-fiber bacon-flavored sports-drink and semiconductor solvent with:
prostaglandin, diphenhydramine, protripytline, hexaeathyltetraphosphate, & alphaprodine.

Fill The Void.


The Third Eye Over Iowa Ghost Hunters' Club Guide to
Haunted Iowa City


Men of Integrity. Men of Courage.
Men of Destiny. Men of Honor.
Men of Iron.

Men Of Freedom

For more information, contact: C.A. Hotz, Zoar, IA

Attention Vigra Binge-Users!
Tired? Run Down? Overcome?

The freedom to fall at last!!!

Scholastic American Distributers
(S.A.Dist Inc.)
Wholsalers of fine instructional willow switches, wooden rulers,
& corporal punishment legal guides.
Yummy Chum Chewing Tobacco
The Fisherman's
Chaw of Adventure

minty scrod * menthol haddock
Ultra Rich In Omega 3

Attention Hotsy Coed Babes!

Wealthy University of Emmetsburg Alumnus
seeks scrog-pal under pretext of being
Executive Secretary of
my philanthropic foundation!
Applicants must not be
too bright
but look totally

in evening wear & swimwear & no-wear!
Hell, I might even hire two of ya!
Apply Directly:
William T. Trausi, Chairman,
The Trausi Foundation International
The University of Emmetsburg
regrets to announce the cancellation of its spring production of
Fictional Episodes In
The Life of
A German Corporal

due to toxic mildew in the Adm. Willhelm Canaris Ballroom.
The Georg von Podebrad College Branch of the
UFO Citizens' Research & Advisory Project
will hold a rally to preserve the
"Arendt's Folly" Site in Mt. Pleasant
on May 1, 1999.
Contact Amber Kirchner:

Learn the Ways of Ecstacy in The Foxhole of Passion!

The Camo-Sutra:

The Soldier's Guide To Love & Intimacy On The Battle-Field!

Bright smiles and tear-drop eyes
Hide a special surprise...

#34AX990 Time to meet Jesus! & #412Hd78 But I did it for you!
The perfect gift that says exactly how you feel.

PRECIOUS MURDERS collectable figurines make special occaisions, like weddings, graduations, or triple bypass surgery even more memorable. Scultped from the distal ends of seasoned human femurs by master craftsman, Bert T. Brae, these little homicidal rascals will be treasured keepsakes for years to come.
Available at Fine Stores in Select Areas only.
Check with your Friendly Local PRECIOUS MURDERS Dealer.

Buy Beer for Vernon:
The National Campaign!

glenoid fossa, corocoid process, acromion, scapula, shoulder joint

Let Me Entertain Your Child's Next Party!

Mortichi Krabble: Professional Jesus Re-Enactor

Vivid & Moving Recreations of Our Lord's Passion
Available for Birthdays, Weddings, Smokers, Bris, & Bar/Bas Mitzvahs!

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